The Column we would like to See Kurt Nimmo Write

Kurt Nimmo is one of the Cockburn columnists at Counterpunch magazine, an anti-American magazine that has made Ward Churchill its poster boy in recent days, not because the Counterpunchers are free speech absolutists (they actually oppose free speech for neocons) but because they agree with Churchill's treasonous agenda.

A Frontpage Magazine column recently "outted" Cap'n Kurt's bizarre mix of racism, pro-terror fanaticism, endorsements of bin Laden, and open anti-Semitism. In particular it pointed out the lack of standards on the part of Alexander Burncock (as I call him), the editor and publisher of Counterpunch, in running columns by a semi-literate hooligan whose only professional credentials are that he works at the photo lab at Walmart.

Nimmo has chosen to respond to FrontPage's comments on his personal pro-terror blog. There Nimmo takes me to task for saying he is employed at the photo lab at Walmart, pointing out that he is no longer so employed. Evidently Walmart has higher standards than Counterpunch. Nimmo then goes on with his usual rants about how people who want to see the Jews exterminated should not be called anti-Semites because they are simply critics of Zionism, and just because he celebrates when buses full of "Zionist" children are blown to smithereens is no reason to suspect him of bigotry. He also defends illiterate and unwashed people like himself against academic snobs with PhD's like me.

You know the rap.

Now I find myself drifting off into purple haze left over from the '60s which seems to arise in my brain whenever I make the mistake of clicking on Burncock's Counterpunch web site. Through the psychedelic mist, I find myself reading an imaginary Nimmo rant -- the Nimmo column I would have liked to read. It goes something like this:

"To avoid suspicions of hypocrisy and racism, my guru Ward Churchill and I, Kurt Nimmo, have decided to show the consistency of our opinions regarding the Middle East by selling off all of our property and cashing out all our warrants and bonds and real estate and turning every last dime over to REAL Indians native to the Southwest (as opposed to fake Indians of the type who teach treason at the University of Colorado).

"We are tired of being colonialist settlers on lands that do not belong to us and so we are both going back to Europe where we belong and from where our families came. We will then participate in terrorist bombings of Americans until the last American leaves the illegal American settlements on Indians lands, from Boston to Miami and from Philadelphia to LA. We have the right to murder as many American settler children as we wish in all these cities stolen from their rightful owners.

"And never mind that the Jews of Israel are the true natives of their lands and not the Arabs, and never mind that the 'Palestinians' are the invaders, and Arabs the colonial squatters who stole the lands of the Jews from their rightful owners.

"We promise to send a postcard once we have distributed all of our stolen cash and savings to the Indians and once we are settled on a house boat in Holland, and after we start collecting the dole from the Eurocrats. Ward promises to give me private classes there to teach me to count past 12."

Alas, it was only my imagination playing tricks on me again.