Amazing Developments at Tikkun Magazine

Tikkun magazine is the hippy-dippy magazine for fossilized 60s "dudes," edited by Michael Lerner, creator of the "Politics of Meaning" back in the early days of the Clintons.

Lerner is a "Rabbi" in precisely the same sense that Ward Churchill is an Indian.

Lerner is not ordained by any Rabbinic seminary nor did he have any Rabbinic training. He was basically proclaimed a "Rabbi" by three other people, each of whom might or might not have been Jewish himself, who put their hands on Mikey's head and said, "Domini Domini youse a Rabbi."

This has never stopped Mikey from representing himself as a Rabbi, an Orthodox one to boot.

Now it has occurred to me that many of the members of the editorial board of Tikkun magazine, not to mention most of its readership, must be pushing 65 years old or more.

Think about that!

Well I have, and I think that there are a number of fine business opportunities, selling products to the geriatric hippies and menopausal Marxists of this fine magazine.

I am now looking for some partners to go in with me in these ventures, developing products to sell to the Tikkun readership, advertising in the magazine. Anyone with some idle capital, give me a buzz. (No, not buzz in the way Lerner means it.)

Here are the projects I have thought of so far:

1. A book of recipes for preparing hashish brownies laced with Metamucil, just the thing to keep you a regular revolutionary. They will also be sold at the new progressive bistro we will open, to be called Chez Che.
2. Bob Dylan bunion cream, so that you will not need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
3. Macrobiotic Grey Poupon, to be passed back and forth from designer VW vans of psychedelic yuppies, and Oh The Colors The Colors.
4. Jerry Garcia Geratol Tablets.
5. Ho Ch Minh Hernia Halters.
6. Huey Newton Shuffleboard Set.
7. Jimi Hendrix Hearing Aid, with special microcassette that plays The Wind Cries Dentures.
8. Special Revolutionary Remake VCR tape of Leave it To Beaver, with a progressive Cleaver family. In this special tape, Ward and June drop out, turn on, and then go to Cuba to cut cane in the Venceremos Brigade with their boys, Beaver, Wally and Eldridge.
9. Malcolm X Lax.
10. Preparation Ho. (Short for Preparation Ho Chi Minh) This is the perfect treatment for progressives and hippies at the ends of their trails to reduce painful swelling and itching at the ends of their trails. For those whose Mekong Delta is backed up, see previous product.
11. Bumper stickers and progressive lapel buttons that say: "Flower and Flatulence Power".

And now from Sioux City, Iowa, Pants Productions brings you live from the Ed Sullivan Theater:

The Late Show, with Dave Letterman.

Tonight's Top Ten List.

Tonight, Dave brings you the ten recent feature articles appearing in Tikkun magazine:

1. Joycelyn Elders takes over as Editor of Tikkun and replaces the Politics of Meaning with the Politics of Self-Feeling, but no one notices the change.
2. Planting trees for peace in North Korea.
3. Why Jews should show solidarity with life forms on Vulcan.
4. Plans for establishing a Vedic Rabbinical Seminary.
5. Why dolphins should be allowed to be ordained as Rabbis.
6. What to order when you take an African-American militant to lunch.
7. The pros and cons of bathing for progressives.
8. Jewish symbolism in the film "Easy Rider".
9. How to hide psychedelic drugs in tefillin boxes so's the pigs don't catch you.
10. Why the Yom Kippur services should be conducted only in Ebonics.